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CUPE MANITOBA SCHOOL DIVISION SECTOR CONFERENCE NOV, 7-10,2002 RUSSELL MANITOBA
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Some pretty good thoughts. Written by Andy Rooney, a man who has the gift of saying so much with so few words. Enjoy.......
I've learned....
That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of
an elderly person.
I've learned....
That when you're in love, it shows.
I've learned....
That just one person saying to me, "You've made my day!" makes my day.
I've learned....
That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
I've learned....
That being kind is more important than being right.
I've learned....
That you should never say no to a gift from a child.
I've learned....
That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.
I've learned....
That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.
I've learned....
That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
I've learned....
That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.
I've learned....
That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
I've learned....
That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.
I've learned....
That money doesn't buy class.
I've learned....
That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
I've learned...
That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
I've learned....
That the Lord didn't do it all in one day. What makes me think I can?
I've learned....
That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
I've learned....
That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.
I've learned....
That love, not time, heals all wounds.
I've learned....
That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to
surround myself with people smarter than I am.
I've learned....
That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.
I've learned....
That there's nothing sweeter than sleeping with your babies and feeling their breath on your cheeks.
I've learned....
That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
I've learned....
That life is tough, but I'm tougher.
I've learned....
That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.
I've learned....
That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
I've learned....
That I wish I could have told my Dad that I love him one more time before he passed away.
I've learned....
That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
I've learned....
That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
I've learned....
That I can't choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do about it.
I've learned....
That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.
I've learned....
That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.
I've learned ...
That it is best to give advice in only two circumstances; when it is requested and when it is a life threatening situation.
I've learned....
That the less time I have to work with, the more Nthings I get done.
To all of you.... Make sure you read all the way down
to the last sentence.
It's National Friendship Week. Show your friends how much you care. Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND, even if it means sending it back to the person who sent it to you. If it comes back to you, then you'll know you have a circle of friends. HAPPY NFRIENDSHIP WEEK TO YOU!!!!!!
YOU ARE MY FRIEND AND I AM HONORED

THIS WEEK'S JOKE
The hunter ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim. Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees and prayed, "Dear God! Please give this bear some religion!"The sky darkened and there were lightning in the air. Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused.Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky and said, "Thank you, God, for the food I'm about to receive...."

THREE CARETAKERS AND THREE PRINCIPALS
Three Caretakers and three Principals were going to a conference and had to travel by train to get there. At the station, the three Principals bought their tickets and watched as the three Caretakers bought only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked one Principal. "Just watch and you'll see," answered a Caretaker.They all boarded the train and the Principals took their seats and watched as all three Caretakers crammed into a rest room and closed the door behind them. The train departed and shortly afterwards the conductor came around collecting tickets. He knocked on the restroom door and said, "Ticket please." The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The conductor took it and moved on. The Principals saw all this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So, after the conference the Principals decided to copy the Caretakers on the return trip and save some money (managed care and all that). When they got to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip. But to their astonishment, the Caretakers didn't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without even a single ticket?" says one Principal. "Just watch and you'll see," answered a Caretaker. They boarded the train. The three Principals crammed into a restroom compartment and the three Caretakers crammed into another one nearby. The train departed. Shortly afterwards, one of the Caretakers left his restroom, walked over to the Principal's stall, knocked on the door and said "TICKET, PLEASE."

LIFE'S CHANGE CURVE
At age 04, success is...not peeing in your pants.
At age 12, success is...having friends.
At age 16, success is...having a driver's license.
At age 20, success is...having sex.
At age 35, success is...having money.
At age 50, success is...having money.
At age 60, success is...having sex.
At age 70, success is...having a driver's license.
At age 75, success is...having friends.
At age 80, success is...not peeing in your pants.

YOU KNOW IF ITS' TIME TO RETIRE WHEN:
1. You and your teeth don't sleep together.
2. You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.
3. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop, and you're not eating cereal.
4. Your back goes out, but you stay home.
5. When you wake up looking like your passport photo.
6. It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
7. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
8. When happy hour is a nap.
9. When you're on holiday and your energy runs out before your money does.
10. When you say something to your children that your mother said to you and which you always hated.
11. When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
12. When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.
13. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
14. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
15. Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.
16. Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr. 17. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
18. The chemist has become your new best friend.
19. Getting "lucky" means you found your car in the parking lot.
20. The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the sun on your bifocals
21. It takes twice as long to look half as good.
22. Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
23. You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on your head the whole time.
24. You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
25. You give up all your bad habits and still don't feel good.
26. You seem to have more patience, but it's actually that you just don't care anymore.
27. You finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
28. You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't remember ever being on top of it.
HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF WORKPLACE SANITY
* Put a chair facing the computer printer, sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.
* Arrive at a meeting late, say you didn't have time for lunch and you are going to nibble during the meeting. Eat five raw potatoes.
* Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
* Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
* Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always were them one day after your boss does. (Especially effective if you
and your boss are different genders.)
* Make up nicknames for all your co-workers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "I'm sorry I'm going to have
to disagree with you, Chachi."
* Encourage all your peers to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing in the hall.
* Agree to organize a company party. Have it at McDonald's Playland. Charge everyone $15.
* Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
* Hi-lite your shoes. Tell people that you haven't lost your shoes since you began doing this.
* At the top of every memo include, in you own handwriting, a personal note: "On a personal note, I'm feeling a bit tired today," "On a personal
note, I am pleased to announce that I got my highest score ever on Tetris last night."
* While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive.
* Decorate your office with pictures of Cindy Brady and Danny Partridge. Claim they are your children.
* Walk around wearing a mask and snorkel.
* Send e-mail messages to everyone saying free pizza, free donuts, etc. are in the lunchroom. When people show up and complain that there aren't
any, just lean back, rub your stomach and say, "Oh, you've got to be faster than that."
* Put decaf in the coffeemaker for three weeks. Just when everyone has gotten over their caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.

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